The 3 P's of parenting in grad school
Now that I have made it to my second year of occupational therapy school, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My first year was not only challenging as a student, but at times it felt impossible to balance all the other hats I wear. Being a mom to two young children has its fair share of daily demands; when you add in my relationship with my partner and a part-time job, one might ask where I found the time to take on grad school. Well, let me tell you, it has been a process. Early on, I would have loved to connect with another parent in grad school to receive pointers about what worked and didn’t work for them. Now that I have had time to digest my first year, I have come up with three tips for anyone else parenting while in grad school: patience, perfection, and pampering.
Patience: I’m not only talking about patience with the process as a whole, but also patience with your spouse, your kids, and, most importantly, yourself. That to-do list in your head does not go away—in fact, sometimes it seems like it doesn’t stop growing. As much as you may try to break out some superhero parent powers to start checking off boxes, just know that it’s okay not to check them all off. The best advice I can give is to prioritize your tasks without losing sight of the important daily moments as a parent and/or partner.
Perfection: Quit it! The best thing we can teach ourselves and our children is that no matter how long the process takes, learning and growth occur when you’re making mistakes, struggling to understand a new concept, and pushing through when something doesn’t come easily. I would often compare myself to others in my cohort, which wasn’t helpful or productive. Not only did assignments take me longer, but my lack of time to study led to average grades. I always felt one step behind, and I wish I would have told myself to focus on completing assignments the best way I know how. I may not have gotten straight A’s in my first year, but throughout each course, I have learned through my errors and mistakes.
The author studies the structures of the hand for a biomechanics test with her daughter Maya (8) and her son Mathis (4).
Pampering: Self-care. That about sums it up. Make the time to do things you love and recharge your battery. I chose to make a lot of things more important than myself and my health. As a result, I felt tired and sluggish. I didn’t recognize myself. I vowed to myself that my second year of grad school would include regular exercise, other food groups besides coffee, and daily breaks for self-care. Self-care can look different for everyone but for me, the most helpful thing involves getting off a screen and getting my body moving.
As I move into my second year as an occupational therapy student, I am happy to report that by adapting these 3 P’s of parenting, I have had a very balanced start to the school year. I’ve managed to find time for some sort of self-care every day, which has really helped with my patience. I anticipate there will be challenging moments, but my goal to do my best each day and focus on my own personal journey remains consistent. Entering into a graduate program as a parent can feel overwhelming, but incorporating the 3 P’s can help maintain a level of sanity and keep your focus in a positive direction. To my fellow parents in grad school—we’ve got this!
Heather Aiello is a second year MOT student at Samuel Merritt University. She graduated in 2007 from Sonoma State University with her bachelor’s in Kinesiology. She used her degree to start her own personal training business, working mostly with individuals with injuries or disabilities. In 2010, she met her husband, with whom she has two children. Heather always had an urge to continue her education, so when her business shifted during the pandemic, she decided to apply to graduate school and was shocked to be accepted on her first try.